A NOTE TO MY CREDITORS:

    Gentlemen:
    In reply to your request for a check, I wish to inform you that the
present condition of my bank account makes this almost impossible.  My
shattered finincial state is due to Federal Laws, State Laws, County Laws,
City Laws, Corporate Laws, Liquor Laws, Mother-in-Laws, Brother-in-Laws,
and Outlaws.
    Through these laws, I am compelled to pay a business tax, amusement
tax, head tax, school tax, gas tax, phone tax, sales tax, use tax, business
and occupation tax, and income tax. I am required to get a business license,
Marriage license, auto and truck licenses, hunting license, fishing license,
and dog license.
    For my own protection, I must carry life insurance, property insurance,
burglary insurance, accident insurance, earthquake insurance, tornado
insurance, fire insurance, employment insurance, and old-age insurance.
    I am hounded to contribute to every society and organization imaginable,
to every hospital and charitable institution in the city, including the Red
Cross, Black Cross, White Cross, Purple Cross, And Double Cross.
    I am inspected, suspected, disrespected, rejected, examined, informed,
reformed, summoned, fined, commanded, and compelled until I supply money
for every need of the human race. Simply because I refuse to donate to
something or other, I am boycotted, talked about, lied about, held up,
held down, and robbed untill I am almost ruined.
    I can tell you honestly, that except for a miracle that happened,
I couldn't have enclosed this check.  The wolf that comes in my door every
day just had pups in the kitchen.  I sold them and here is your money!